Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
