My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
