I just threw up on my dentist
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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