I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
