you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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