i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize