never play flip cup with pint glasses
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
