You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
