Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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