I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
