Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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