i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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