I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize