Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
