R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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