Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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