my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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