I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
