she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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