I'm eating all of the evidence.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
