My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
