Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
