he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
