My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize