In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
