Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
