grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
