i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
