Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
