can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
