I feel like abortions should bother me more
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
