this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
