i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
