She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
