You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
