Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
