I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
