Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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