The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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