I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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