i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize