if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The Olympian is in my bed
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
