You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
