i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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