did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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