Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
