Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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