my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize