Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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