I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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