1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
