Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
