He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
