oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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