I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
