I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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