This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
