Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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