I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
