His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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