I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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