I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
