I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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