its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
