The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
