Walk of Shame. In a state park.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
