is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
