i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
