I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Randomize
