everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
