i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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