Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
