It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
