Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
