Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My legs feel like baby dolphins
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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