I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
